The How and Why of Age-Integrated Teaching

Implementing a household approach is not a process that you should expect to happen quickly. Obviously, every church has a little different character, personality, and direction and therefore a "one size fits all" prescription will not suffice.

A myriad of factors such as unity on the part of the leadership, the size of the church, the number of age-segregated programs, the age demographics of the members, and more, all weigh into the decision about how to go about making changes.

The majority of you will be applying these principles to already existing age-segregated ministries and will take a gradual approach, choosing to transition certain ministries in a particular order. Some churches move rapidly; others move along at a slower pace.

In any case, the place to start is with building a unified team. Men, women, husbands, wives, pastors, and leaders; those who have a desire to see this dream become reality need to get together.

Warning! What you are about to do is strategic. It is very important that you handle this humbly and lovingly. It has been my experience, and also that of others, that this phase is fraught with danger if you're not careful. Issues such as household relationships are held tenaciously by those who understand them. When others don't understand or appreciate them, the tendency can be to get defensive, angry, bitter, or even give up. In such cases, a loving heartfelt appeal can quickly become a war that can end in ugly division.

Once you have called your team together, begin to discuss the vision, pray and fast (Nehemiah 1:4; Daniel 6:10; Matthew 4:2). For every minute you spend praying about the vision, spend five praying about your own attitude! Your attitude is just as important as the vision. Remember that many will reject the message if the messenger comes across in an angry or condescending manner. It is a loving, caring attitude that desires to see people's lives changed for the better that will win those who are "on the fence" or outright against you. The importance of attitude, therefore, cannot be overstated.

Be careful to present the vision with patience and understanding. What may be clear to you may not be to some who are hearing this for the first, second, third, or even the fourth time. People need time to get used to new ideas. The best way to win their support is to nurture them along, not making them feel stupid or ignorant because they don't understand. There will be times when people simply don't understand and resist what you are proposing. Don't neglect these people. Meet with them and listen to their concerns. Do your best to assuage their fears and insecurities.

Ultimately, however, there will be those who choose not to accept what you are proposing. Let them know that you still love them and try to keep communication open. Pray for them. Be careful not to gossip about or ostracize them.

Many misunderstandings will be averted by simply taking time to be clear with people. Clear communication anticipates sources of friction and seeks to alleviate others' fears. When you tell people you are going to experiment with a "household approach," some will automatically think that this will mean the end of their favorite program, whether it be adult choir, youth group, or Sunday school. Brothers and sisters in Christ are not to be considered the enemy! Anticipate where the areas of friction are going to be. Plan how you are going to talk through those points and put people's minds at ease. Clear communication dictates that people know what you are trying to do. If your goal is to end these programs, or this is what the people hear, then you are starting with a humongous handicap. I would go so far as to say that it should not be your goal. Attacking the structures will not be nearly as effective as selling the benefits of the vision.

Clear communication also involves defining your terms. One word may mean two entirely different things to two people based on their church background and experience. For example, I find that using the term "family approach" is often received negatively because the word "family" is understood as being too exclusive a term, meaning only "Dad, Mom, and the kids." However, the term "household approach" is a more accurate word describing not just the nuclear family, but also singles, youth, single-parent households, the elderly, strangers, friends, etc. The term "household" is more biblical, too. Semantics are very important, especially at a time in history when the meanings and connotations of words are changing rapidly.

Another important quality that needs to be evident in your team is humility. When people ask questions that you don't have answers to, simply say so! Don't try to wing it. Affirm the importance of their question; tell them that you are not sure of the answer, but that you'll research it and get back to them. This attitude tells them that you are being honest and real. It is far easier to trust someone whom we perceive to be honest and real.

I am always leery of people who appear to know everything. These are the people who come off as overly zealous and make others feel like they'd better listen or get out of the way! This sears people's curiosity, creativity, and openness. Aim beyond simple verbal agreement to the bull's-eye of their own involvement. Be open to the correction and suggestions of others. They need to be a part of this entire process! Let them dream, plan, and plant with you.

Finally, we must remember that it is the power of Jesus Christ who changes lives. Moving to a household approach will not change a person's heart any more than an age-segregated approach will. Jesus Christ changes hearts. I believe, however, that Jesus uses people in the process of changing hearts and that the household approach is better suited for this purpose.

When I speak to groups, I have found it helpful to the people to exhort them to "start where you are, not where you want to be." Oftentimes, we see how far we are from where we think we should be and end up setting unrealistic goals. This breeds frustration, which can lead to bitterness and anger. To obviate this possibility, plan for a gradual implementation approach. This mandates an accurate, honest appraisal of where you are starting from.

A Four-Fold Vision

I often use the following illustration to help cement in people's minds the importance of all four aspects of this vision: Generations, Hearts, Relationships, and Everyday Life. I am including it here for two reasons. First, it is important that your group be clear on the vision, and it will help you clarify it in your own mind. Second, I have found it to be a powerful presentation tool that I encourage you to use with others in your church.

"Generations"--the goal. When traveling to a destination, we must use the road.

God desires us to raise godly generations. Generations do not become godly overnight. It takes a lot of time, and a lot of God's grace to form them. It is like a long road trip! We must not become discouraged with "potholes" and "steep hills" that are a part of "the road" of preparing godly generations. By thinking long-term, we can avoid discouragement and finally arrive at the destination.

In His infinite wisdom, God designed relationships, beginning in the home, as the primary vehicle for working His plan over generations. In relationships there is love, accountability, protection, and encouragement. Relationships don't just happen. Relationships must be built through commitment to another person--a commitment that often involves great personal sacrifice. Satan understands this and from the beginning, in the garden of Eden, has attacked relationships. In the same way that a car protects us, only proven relationships that withstand the attacks of Satan, will produce godly generations.

"Hearts"--the engine. The engine is the spirit that powers it all. An engine is what supplies the power to move the car down the road.

The engine is often referred to as the "heart" of the car. A car may look brand-new on the outside, but upon looking under the hood or taking the car for a drive, we can tell what the true condition of the engine really is. When climbing the high mountains of life we will discern the true condition of the engine, whether it is a four-cylinder needing a valve job or an eight-cylinder strong enough to pull the Queen Mary.

God's goal is to transform our hearts into His image. If we do not have as our goal to get to the heart of our children, we will not produce faithful generations. It is very easy to be fooled about the true heart condition. Appearances may lead one to think that everything is OK in the heart when in actuality it is not.

"Everyday Life"--the road. The wheels work with the engine to move the car down the road. Tires allow the car to move down the road, to climb hills, to go through potholes, to swerve, turn, and basically maneuver the car. A good tire is necessary to keep a car on the road in bad weather. With bad tires, a blowout can occur and wreck the car.

The many quality opportunities afforded by everyday life allow the parent to test the strength of their children's heart in many different circumstances. In these situations the true heart condition can be known. Thus, the platitude, "quality time is better than quantity time" is false. Teachable moments occur at many different times. The more time spent with a child will assure more opportunities to see inside the heart.

The picture of discipleship in the scripture is that of relationships centered around everyday life--in the preponderance of cases in the homes of believers. Discipleship is not a hit-or-miss random event with random individuals. God has established lines of authority, a basic structure in which discipleship can consistently and lovingly take place: the covenant household.

As I stated earlier, if you are a new church, your field is wide open for what you want to do. If you are one of these, get started!

Most of you are in age-segregated program approaches and your transition will take a little more time. Every church is different, so don't feel like you have to hold yourselves to any particular model. Many churches will keep most of their current programs but refocus on an age-integrated format that fulfills the purposes of the vision presented in this book. Situations at your church may take you down a different path.

A Typical Transition

At this point in the chapter I wanted to provide a single transitional model that any church could use as a guide. As I wrote, I labored and struggled to form a complete A-Z single model. I have worked with hundreds of people from churches in forty-five states, many different denominations, different sizes, and different ministry emphases. While there are some similarities, I concluded that there is no single model that can be followed (that I am aware of).

Then it dawned on me that this is indeed the beauty of this whole approach! There is no single model that works for everybody. This approach is adaptable to any church, in any denomination. The truth of this fact confirms what matters most: It is the Holy Spirit, working in the hearts of His people, that is the model. This is a movement not of human effort but of the Spirit of the living God.

With this in mind, what follows is a list of common steps that many churches seeking to go this route have successfully implemented.

Once the team has presented the vision, the first step for a typical church is to begin implementing an age-integrated Sunday school class. This is a class that includes singles, single-parent households, nuclear households, elderly, youth, etc. (In the next chapter I have a few interviews with pastors who have found this to work quite well.) Adding or replacing a class in the roster on Sunday morning allows the team to begin applying these principles in the meeting of the church. This offers a dual benefit. First, it relieves those who want to move ahead, and second, it gives time for others to observe this vision being implemented in seed form. This is a time when bridges are built and strengthened with other leaders and members of the church.

I know of one church where the leaders actually went into the homes of every church member and explained why they were instituting an age-integrated Sunday school class.

One parenthetical note: Many churches find home-schooling households very willing volunteer teachers in age-integrated classes.

There are three benefits to age-integrated Sunday school. First is that generations are linked together. Very often the class is taught by a head of household, a husband and wife team, a single, grandparent, or even a whole household. This gives future leaders the opportunity to develop their leadership skills. It also presents a broader view of what a leader does! Leaders are parents and other more mature members of God's household, not just the preacher and his staff.

Second is that the content is more interesting and motivational. The vast majority of curriculum used is homemade. This means that people are more apt to teach from their life experiences, which brings God's Word to life. Their unique personalities, gifts, goals, dreams, and struggles become apparent to others.

Third is that household relationships are developed outside of the class. What Sunday school teacher doesn't want to see their hard work actually stick with people and help them grow? What is taught doesn't stop at the door to the classroom. Very often relationships blossom outside of the class that are predicated upon what was taught. For instance, a father may teach a class on how to study the Bible but finds that the single sitting in the last row comes up to him and asks him to mentor him in how to study the Word. The resulting relationship allows the father to help the single develop into a well-rounded, mature adult.

Over time, the people who come to these classes form small groups (or cell groups as some call them) for further edification through the week. The relationships that grow soon begin to season other people and ministries in the church.

A typical church will begin to see changes occur in other ministry areas. You begin to see ministry lines blur.

For example, the church's youth ministry will begin to see the involvement and influence of parents. Parents begin attending youth ministry meetings and working more closely with youth leaders. In such cases, youth ministry is transformed. Some churches eventually drop youth group altogether because the needs of the youth are being met in household and church relationships.

Church leaders begin asking a lot of questions about ministry. This is a period of studying and discovery. Many get together and begin studying these issues more deeply, seeking to learn how to apply these principles in all ministries. As a result, basic common themes and vision begin to develop between ministries. One megachurch I know of has a strong emphasis on training parents to develop heart-level relationships with their children. This theme permeates every ministry, strengthening all of their programs with the vision of building relationships.

You begin to see households staying together, and more households forming. Singles may begin to spend more time with households or even begin to live with them. People begin to go out of their way to help each other, share their lives, and more relationships blossom. You will begin to see more children and youth mature earlier and rise up to leadership. One church I know of has teenage boys preach special sermons on Sundays!

Another church began to see neighbors, friends, and acquaintances tag along with households on Sunday morning. This is indeed beautiful, because their attraction is not programs, but the power of the Gospel of Jesus Christ being applied to lives.

Almost without exception, churches see fathers take more of a leadership role, not just in their households but also in church ministry. Homes and neighborhoods are rediscovered as bases for ministry.

In many churches, there may be an overall reduction in traditional church-sponsored activities, but these are replaced by more effective in-depth, heart-level relationship-based ministry, which yields greater spiritual fruit.

In summary, the transition deepens relationships with God and others and broadens ministry by reaching outside the church fortress and into the everyday lives of hurting people. Lives are reconnected and the power of the gospel flows like blood through the veins of God's children. Shared vision, commitment, and love for each other becomes the hallmark of this church. This is ministry that brings salt and light into the harvest fields.

Laying the Foundation

Now that we've looked at some common transition steps, let's talk a little about the foundation that needs to be laid to get this new approach off to a flying start. Think of each of these as stones upon which we step on our journey from the traditional approach to the household approach.

Foundation Stone #1: Think in terms of the gospel.
No approach to ministry can do what the gospel already does. To quote my good friend Ben Taylor, "Faith is not a formula." We cannot substitute faith with our best efforts. We are completely acceptable to Christ on the basis of His work alone and we therefore have the freedom to live in accordance with the provisions that are already ours through Christ. What we do must be grounded in the redemptive work of Christ. What I mean here is that we must see that because of Christ, we are already acceptable to Him. There is nothing that we can do to be more acceptable to Him. Our ministry relationships are then real opportunities to freely grow in grace as opposed to guilt-laden motivations. It must help people develop a deeper understanding of what they already have in Him.

Foundation Stone #2: Be flexible.
We need to be flexible in two ways. The first is flexibility in structure. We have to avoid thinking about our programs--whether they are age-segregated or household-based--as non-negotiable. Not everyone will agree on what to do about programs anyway, so we need to be willing to modify our ideals accordingly. As best as we can, we need to seek to base our specific ministries upon principles in the scripture.

One such principle, flexibility, is found in 1 Corinthians 9:22 where Paul says, "...I have become all things to all men that I may by all means save some." When one stops to consider God, He is very flexible in this area of our methods for working out ministry. Flexibility is closely associated with creativity. Being made in God's image, we are creative individuals. God wants us to use our creativity to serve Him.

In addition to flexibility in structure, we should also be flexible in our time frame for implementing this approach. More than likely, it will take longer than you want or expect. Do not grow weary, though. Remember that God is sovereign and that He will accomplish His work in His time.

Foundation Stone #3: Be willing to learn.
My father always said that life is a process of learning how to learn. Since we all want quick solutions in life this seems rather unpalatable. But making the transition toward a household approach demands that we learn. Most churches that go this route have leaders who are constantly reading, thinking and reevaluating what they do and how they do it. Applying these truths to our postmodern times is difficult and challenging and demands continual study and refinement.

A willingness to learn also means a willingness to fail. We have to humbly proceed, acknowledging our own weakness and prepare to experience failures. We need not fear failure. It is through these failures that we learn to walk with God more closely. Since the world wants to force us to change, to confirm to worldly ways, we must be ever on the highest alert to how God wants us to change in being more conformed to the image of Christ.

Foundation Stone #4. We must change the way we think to be more relational and heart-centered.
The heart must be our goal just as it is Christ's goal. We must learn to evaluate effectiveness not so much by numbers and money but by the condition of people's hearts. More specifically, we must ask, are people actually growing spiritually in their love and service of the Savior? Throughout the Bible we see people who did the right things, but their hearts were far from God. Making the transition to household ministry represents a major shift in our thinking. Instead of building activities around attendance, we need to build activities around relationships that get to the heart. Are we helping to build household relationships or are we building bigger and "better" programs?

Foundation Stone #5: Be realistic about our place in relationships.
We must beware not to take on unbiblical responsibility for someone's life. We are training people to be healthy, mature believers and human beings. Churches, like parents, get into trouble when they take on unbiblical responsibility for people's lives. We cannot do what only God can do. When a child or disciple just doesn't seem to get it or even resists, we can't make them do what's right. We must pray for God to change their hearts, love them, and enter into the sanctification process with them. Some have forgotten the latter requirement here and have become heavy-handed and manipulative. That is to be avoided at all costs. Showing love toward one another is crucial.

Foundation Stone #6: Be prepared for growth and division.
Many churches have tried the cell-group approach only to find groups getting too big and unwilling to divide so that others can be included. This has led to ingrownness in some churches. There is always a tendency to stay in our own comfort zone. God calls us out of our comfort zones that we may grow in grace and faith.

Foundation Stone #7: Growing leaders.
In order to multiply, healthy leaders must be grown. This involves preparing the soil before planting and doing a little weeding during the process. This starts with inviting members to be partakers in the vision. Further, it involves training newcomers to pass on skills to others who will work with you--i.e., men and women who show an interest and make a commitment to learn and pass on to others through teaching and ministry.

Foundation Stone #8: Be willing to grow into ministry.
In other words, don't be afraid to start small. I have had comments from people who have said that understanding has given them great freedom in implementing their vision. It really made a difference simply to stop, take a deep breath, accept God's providence for where they were, and be willing to start at that point. Better to start small and enjoy great success than to promise grandiose success and end up gaining nothing. Be prepared for God's providence to alter your plans! Remember Romans 8:28-29: "All things work together for good to those who love God."

As You Begin to Build

As you begin to build on the foundation and make this transition, keep in mind the following teaching points to help you stay focused and reach your goal.

Teach household leaders how to teach.
In many homes it will be important to teach the parents how to model the Christian life at home.

Teach principles that can be lived.
Teaching may need to be modified somewhat to help children understand the material. At home, during the week, the parent illustrates the principles in life. Therefore, teaching parents how to teach is one of the primary goals.

The problem is that most Christian teaching is cerebral, theological, and abstract. As we integrate the ages together, it will force us to make our ideas simple and concrete. This is good discipline. If we can make theology and doctrine understandable to a young person it is more likely that we grasp what we are talking about. Remember Jesus' technique, which involved using concrete objects and ordinary events to teach abstract truths. This approach helped Him plant important life-giving truths deep into people's hearts. His simple examples provide an understandable way to make difficult truth accessible. It also helps us to remember truths.

I still remember a children's sermon from over ten years ago when the pastor used his wedding ring, focusing on how round and "unending" it was, as an object lesson to represent the never-ending nature of marriage and our relationship with God. If you think that pastors only plan children's sermons for children, think again! The principle clearly works for adults as well.

Teach truth that lives.
Sadly, the life-giving truths of God's Word have suffered rigor mortis. What we need is a resurrection of truth from lifeless words on a page to being the deeply meaningful, challenging, guiding nuggets of wisdom and life.

For example, what does it mean that God is our Father? We address God as our Father in prayer quite often, but does it mean more to us than an introduction to prayer? Could it be that God wants us to know Him as One who loves us, cares for us, provides us assurance, security, and is deeply committed to what's best for us? I know that because He is my father, He will not turn me away and that He will give me only good things that will draw me closer to Himself. Understanding God as a father helps us to understand who He is, how He relates to us, and most importantly how we are to relate to Him.

The direction that He gives us for living cannot be relegated to a twenty-step process that we can do all on our own. We need Him to walk us through the paths of darkness and light. As He does this every day, we learn where He wants us to go, what He wants us to do, and how He wants us to get there. His plan and purpose for our lives becomes evident. And when we step off the path and wander into the enticements of the world, He corrects us in love and brings us back to His path. We need not fear that He will leave us or forsake us. We are His adopted children who have an everlasting inheritance.

As leaders learn to teach these truths, the wonderful thing is that they learn these relational truths themselves! These are the questions people ask in everyday life. The answers we give them will either give spiritual life or crush it.

Some Good News About Converting Existing Programs

Programs can be transformed and used as opportunities for household units to learn, work, and serve together. In these programs, issues can be addressed that were once addressed through the individual age-segregated group programs. This pattern of leadership will especially require fathers' involvement as a way to build leadership skills in the men.

Programs that target individual groups can still maintain the individual focus but should be carried out within the context of household units.

We must remember that many of these programs meet needs that are the result of the breakdown in the family, or have in effect replaced or infringed upon the role of the father as head of the household. By keeping households together, and building up fathers, we can avoid the potential trap of replacing fathers.

In the next chapter I will take a more personal and specific look at what makes up this approach.