The Family-like Nature of the Church

We have seen that pastors and laypeople alike feel a sense of disconnection between church and everyday life. This disconnection is increased by the transient nature of life and work as well as the general brokenness of homes today.

One recent answer has been to "restore the household." But often this has been an effort from outside the church, apart from the vision and life of the church. We have specialized men's, women's, and youth ministries today that "reach" or "minister to the needs of" these groups. In this, we are allowing parachurch groups to do the work the church is not doing. Sunday morning is set aside for doctrinal training and sermons that sometimes address only a limited range of human needs.

Could our many needs and problems be better addressed, better resolved, by bringing more of the traditionally church-specific jobs into the home? (Such as, reinforcing doctrine, morals, etc.) And by bringing more of our household and life-related struggles under the guidance of the church? Instead of the compartmentalization of life, which many of us now experience, suppose we integrated church and home?

How would we envision the church differently if we wanted to integrate church and home? Do we see how important it is to do so--given that households are the front-line forces that are challenged in everyday life by the world's ills and needs?

What would have to change in our church curricula and our approach to home fellowship?

Before we look thoroughly at what would have to change in our curricula and approaches, we need to think through the vision. Having seen the need today...how do we see ourselves, the church, as a distributor of God's solutions to help a fallen, broken, isolated, and struggling world? This is urgent because vision is the foundation for all we do now and all we will do in the future.

What Is the Church?

In the scriptures, the church is described in several ways. It is the body of Christ, the bride of Christ, an army, and God's household. Together, all of these and other descriptions are components of the church's identity. These seemingly diverse descriptions are like the many prisms of colored light that bounce into your eye through a perfect diamond. Each ray is beautiful--gloriously beautiful--and gives us a deeper appreciation for the church.

The church is a body. Paul uses the body analogy in 1 Corinthians 12 to communicate the importance of each spiritual gift to the church. Each Christian has a unique role to play in the life of the church. This view is the most widely known and has become the basis for involvement in various programs. (Though we are not always good at caring for our busy workers when they burn out--or preventing such burn out in the first place. Many of the gifts people have do not fit into our programmatic systems!) Perhaps the reason that so many people struggle with their spiritual gifts is that ministry has been confined within the sterile walls of a church building and has not been carried out enough in homes and the milieu of daily life. I would submit that many people's gifts are rendered useless to the body because they are not seen as useful in the limited confines of a church building!

The church is the bride of Christ. Ephesians 5:22-32 uses the marriage relationship that exists between Christ (the bridegroom) and His church (the bride) to describe how husbands and wives ought to relate with each other. The Song of Solomon provides an analogy for the depth and intimacy of relationship that God desires to have with His church. This view has much to offer the church in terms of our relationships with each other.

The church is an army. The fleshly wars between God's people and God's enemies we read about in the Old Testament provide a mental image of what is true for Christians today. We are soldiers (1 Tim. 2:3) on an invisible battlefield fighting an invisible enemy (Eph. 6:10-20). This view has helped to mobilize Christians in prayer, political, and social action for which we are slowly regaining a positive reputation in the public square.

The church is God's household. Except for marquees and bulletin covers, this view has been practically divorced from the everyday life of the church. The pervasive influence of individualism has infected the church to such an extent that we have a difficult time understanding the church as a household to any practical degree.

What could result if we wiped the dust off this view, examined it very closely, and began to evaluate church vision and ministry according to it?

The identity of the church as God's household is pervasive in scripture. God's identity is that of a "Father": our "heavenly Father" (Matthew 5:48), "Abba, father"--which means "Daddy" (Romans 8:15). Jesus is God's "Son," the "first-born of many brethren." Christians are God's "children" (Romans 8:12); God's "sons" (v. 14), who are "adopted" (vv. 15, 23), and who are "joint heirs" with Christ (v. 17). Jesus is the "husband" and the church is His bride (Eph. 5:23). The church is God's household (Acts 13:26).

Notice also how the names of God that reflect His role in our relationship also reflect the relationship fathers have with their households. Some of these names include: "protector" (Psalm 121:7); "provider" (Genesis 22:14); and "leader" (Exodus 13:3).

The late nineteenth-century pastor, B.M. Palmer, wrote extensively about the church's identity as a "household." In his book, The Family, he writes,

Not only is the church a household, it is "the fundamental idea of the church" (Palmer, p. 209). There are many evidences of this apparent truth. I will focus on two that Palmer raises: (1) Features of the household are reproduced in the church, and (2) The primary place for ministry is the home.

Features of the Household are Reproduced in the Church

Palmer describes two of the most essential features that prove the church's identity as a household. Fellowship
The first, he states, is that of fellowship.

One's son or daughter from childhood through adulthood, including marriage, is always the son or daughter of their parents.

Thus no other institution exists wherein many different people can be eternally joined together. Many rulers of history have sought in vain to divide, silence, even destroy this great household, but to no avail. What binds us together is not manmade, but written in the blood of the Most High God. The old adage to describe household relationships applies to the church: "Blood is thicker than water." Discipline
Discipline, a major element in the life of a child, is part of the Christian life.

Just as our heavenly Father disciplines us with love, so we are to discipline our children in love and the church is to discipline unrepentant believers in love. Could it be that the failure of many churches to practice discipline within the body (Matthew 18) is a reflection of fathers and mothers not disciplining their sons and daughters in the home? This failure creates generational cycles of churches and homes who know not the blessings of restoration which follow discipline and forgiveness.

The Church Finds Its Home in the Household

As we trace the history of the church beginning in Adam to the New Testament, we see that household relationships were often key contributors to the church. In Jesus' ministry this theme continues. Many of Jesus' miracles and teaching were performed in homes. After Pentecost, we see the people of God gathering not as individuals but as households. Notice that after Peter's first sermon, the people of the church were "breaking bread from house to house, they were taking their meals together with gladness and sincerity of heart" (Acts 2:46). Christians were under persecution, which made meeting in homes necessary. But clearly, the church prospered in the home. The church grew exponentially during this period of history.

A survey through the New Testament reinforces the household as the basis of the church: Mary (Acts 12:12); Aquila and Priscilla (Acts 18:2); Chloe (1 Corinthians 1:11); Stephanus (1 Corinthians 16:15); Onesiphorus (2 Timothy 1:16); and Nympha (Colossians 4:15). "Under the New Testament economy, where the Church assumes her final form, the family is again her home" (Palmer, p. 207).

Note that the kind of individual identity that we see in our multitudinous age-segregated programs has no place in the history of the church until recently. These programs have done very little to contribute to the long-term effectiveness of the gospel and spiritual maturity.

The Household Is a Redemptive Unit

Paul encouraged young widows to be remarried in 1 Timothy 5:11. This point stresses the importance of women not being alone but either living in the state of marriage or under the protective roof of another household. This was to be accomplished in households adopting these individuals. The household is thus a redemptive unit, not just a place where children are raised up in the fear and admonition of the Lord. It is the place where other individuals are protected from the tragedies of life and through nurture and love are discipled to return to meaningful service. Ministry to orphans and widows was of special concern to God as He restates this concern as a priority in James 1:27. "This is pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father, to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world."

Characteristics of Early Church Household Life

In a day when many parents seek to get away from their children, we see in contrast that God's standard was for the household to worship and serve together as a unit, not as individuals.

There are several examples of this principle in scripture. One such example is in the book of Exodus where we read that the Passover was to be enjoyed as a household. Those households that could not eat a whole lamb were to eat the meal with another household (Exodus 12:4). This tradition continued throughout Israel's history. Other religious festivals that marked the Jewish calendar were household events as well. Christians are instructed to continue to join together in the celebration of communion.

The Early Church Shared Possessions

The early church was so enthralled by the work of God that they voluntarily gave up their possessions in order to benefit the needs of their brothers and sisters in Christ. The church appears to have come a long way from that practice. I recently heard about a church that turned down a request for funds by one of its members (a single mother). The leaders told her to go get a welfare check. "After all, this is what we pay taxes for!" they later explained when questioned. I submit that church is sinning by abdicating the care of its members to the federal and state governments.

Biblically, the care of orphans, widows, and those less fortunate is the responsibility of the church, not the government. The government takes more and more authority--and consequently, freedom--away from the household as we sit transfixed in complacency. It has been a known and accepted responsibility of the household to take care of its own, not just for Christians but for non-Christians as well. It was not until 1935 that the Social Security Act usurped the household of its care-giving role and shifted responsibility to the government. This can change, but households must wake up and take back the responsibility. When bills cannot be paid, when a house is burned down, when the only car a household has will not run, when a father is out of work and cannot afford groceries, when unexpected medical bills are enormous, the church must step in and meet that need. I particularly have been blessed by my church's application of this principle. When my wife and I lost our first daughter--on Christmas Day, tragically--the leaders quickly provided financial assistance, helping to pay the humongous bills that we incurred.

They Were of "One Mind"

These were households who truly bore one another's burdens with a love that would not fade or turn away to the idol of convenience. With everybody divided into little groups that seldom interact one must wonder if the church today is unified. Our current methods are too divisive for these things to happen on a regular, meaningful level. Being of one mind requires some degree of togetherness.

What Is a Household?

The whole concept of household has been perverted today by our individualized society. Therefore, I thought it helpful to bring us back to some basic ideas of what a household is supposed to be and do. The church cannot be the extended household that God intended if we try to build upon a false understanding.

A household supports the needs and spiritual growth of the individual so that the individual can mature and in turn support the needs and growth of others. Each person helps the others while being helped themselves. Everyone from the youngest children to the oldest grandparents can contribute to household life to some degree. The young child who receives help and nurture will one day grow up to be a primary nurturer himself, thus starting the process all over again! Quite a worthwhile investment indeed!

A household is more than a structure for simply carrying out day-to-day tasks and responsibilities. If it were just a prescription for "who does what" and was void of deep and caring relationships, it would make for a pretty boring, stale, and sad life.

The household should be a structure of meaningful relationships, not an assembly line of menial tasks and duties. If, instead, we look at roles and responsibilities through relationships, they become a means to an end--loving, nurturing, and building multi-generational fruit--not an end in themselves. It is as easy to see the spirit of emptiness, isolation, and devastation in a weak or abusive household, as it is to see the spirit of fullness, joy, and friendship in a healthy household. The same is true for churches.

Today we see many churches whose structure is set up to support many ministries and activities, not necessarily the health and growth of its members. For instance, rule keeping and debates on "gray" issues, various evangelical works, activities, mission trips, and teaching can and often do supersede relationships. In some cases, if we simply took the time to equip new people, instead of always doing the work the same way with the same tired people, we would find the work done far more effectively.

The life-blood of relationships in the household and the church is love. Love is behind the strength, health, and connectedness of relationships. In Matthew 22:37-40, Jesus told His disciples that the greatest two commandments were to love God and love our neighbor. He went even further to say that the whole law and the prophets is based on the above definition of love. Paul, in 1 Corinthians 13:13, clearly states that the greatest of all gifts is love! Again in Galatians 5:13 Paul exhorts the believers to serve one another through love. In the book of 1 John, we learn that if we do not love our brother but say we love God, we really do not love God!

Finally, a household is inclusive in two ways. First, a household consists of all its members. Although each person has a different role, responsibility, and level of authority, each is equal in their importance. Each household member--no matter what his/her role--should put aside his/her own desires to serve the other(s) out of love. For instance, a father may decide to put aside his own hobbies and interests to care for a wife who is seriously ill, or give up a night at chess club just to spend time with his son or daughter.

God's design for churches is that His children are included and connected because they are integrated into the life--not necessarily the organization--of the church. They have an important role that makes them indispensable to others. In some churches where people are not integrated in love, fragmentation and isolation occurs, and the deeper needs of people stay hidden within them. Love is what is needed for people to totally open up and share their deepest concerns and secrets.

The second way that a household is inclusive is that it includes others who are outside of it. I remember as a child addressing household friends as "Aunt" or "Uncle." We would visit them and they would visit us. We would share many fantastic memories. This designation didn't even faze me until I was much older and I realized that neither of my parents had any brothers or sisters! How come I had been calling people "Aunt" and "Uncle" when I did not have any? In life and death, they were looked at by me and my siblings as household members (even though there was no blood relation).

We all seek those close friends who share in our happiness, sadness, and personal needs--those with whom we can be completely transparent. These people become absorbed into our households and have great potential for enriching our lives. They give us counsel and are "there" when we need them the most. We in turn let them into our hearts and lives. We respect them. When others sense that they are needed on such an elemental level they develop a deeper sense of worth and dignity. They see that they are valuable to others.

Imagine what rediscovering just these simple aspects of what a household is would do for the church household. Imagine further what shining this light on churches could do for the life of the church both inside and outside of our fellowship circles. A love that spawns deep heart-level connectedness that transcends the organization as described above will strengthen not just the church but its effect on an increasingly lonely, isolated, and directionless world.

I believe that this vision of the church as a household of households is absolutely crucial to our effectiveness in the world for Christ. Our churches are full of broken, near broken, and partially rebuilt people. Of concern is that these people are not connecting with many of our programs and getting the help they need. For instance, the needs of a fourteen-year-old boy from a broken home may not be helped by the youth program. This boy does not need to attend another game day or sit in a Bible study taught by a young, idealistic youth leader. An older, more mature man is much more qualified to help by sitting, listening, teaching, modeling, and loving. This relationship builds the trust that is necessary to get to the heart issues that can best be addressed with seasoned wisdom and an example of what the Christian life is supposed to be.

Ministry through relationship involves letting the individual know that we are here for the long haul--that we will not forsake them, or ostracize them because they reveal some shameful secret. God's model for us is specific, "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" (Romans 8:1). If we have the mind of Christ, then we must include this model. People must be sure that they are loved before they will open up the heavy iron door that guards their hearts. Just attending a class will not provide what's necessary to get to the real issues in one's life. It will also affect our present ministry by leading the church back to common, unified vision within local bodies. A common vision remedies the splintered and competing nature of multitudinous programs and the "organization" by unifying the body in spirit, purpose, and love.

In the future, this vision will produce multigenerational fruit. So much church ministry accommodates the repetitive cycle of failure. I would go so far as to say that we expect failure and therefore accommodate it. Many of our ministries remain in a kind of self-inflicted exile, helping the constant, fundamental failures of Christians. This becomes our focus, and we never seem to rise above patching things up. If churches re-catch the household vision, instead of the next generation having to start over, a generation will rise up that has been trained in righteousness and will live it out.

Going back to the example of the fourteen-year-old youth...if past is prologue to the future, we should not be surprised when the fourteen-year-old repeats the failure of his own parents and comes back several years later for counseling after going through a messy divorce. How can we expect otherwise? Has he seen an example, or been in contact with one who is of greater maturity, or has walked in his shoes? Under a renewed vision, this fourteen-year-old would be included in household life so that he can see how it functions and get a vision for a bright future. Ten years later, he can then lead other troubled teens into a haven of acceptance, love, and purpose, instead of being yet another casualty.

Our Greatest Impact Is Through Relationships

We cannot forget that the greatest effects on peoples' lives are made through relationships. It is through relationships that we can best help a person grow into a loving, caring, and equipped Christian.

God uses household terminology to emphasize the quality and enduring nature of relationships within His household. New Christians are called "babes" and need the intensive care that a human baby would need (1 Peter 2:2). Maturing Christians are referred to as "children": "Brethren, do not be children in your thinking; yet in evil be babes, but in your thinking be mature" (1 Corinthians 14:20). Mature men are referred to as "fathers" and younger men as "brothers": "Do not rebuke an older man but rather appeal to him as a father, to the younger men as brothers" (1 Timothy 5:1). Older women are referred to as "mothers" and younger women as "sisters": "the older women as mothers, and the younger women as sisters" (1 Timothy 5:2).

When the church discovers it is a household, it will affect individuals in the church in the following ways. First, children. Children play an active role in the life of the church--especially when they themselves are ministering within the context of their household. Children (as an age-segregated group) have little to offer an adult world other than a responsibility to be served and be shown a fun time. Granted, the role of a child is not as complex as that of an adult, but it is no less important. Indeed, children serving in ministry with their parents can be a tremendous asset to the church. Because children spend more time serving with their parents, they can mature faster mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Helping out in small, maybe unseen ways helps them learn humility and the importance of small things. They develop a vision for what the Christian life and church life are supposed to be. They are more challenged to be involved in serving others.

Second, young adults. Young adults are affected the same as the children mentioned above. The key here, though, is that young people from early high school through college are even more in need of the maturity and counsel afforded through the connectedness with those who have the wisdom to help them. This is a time of making decisions about vocation, marriage, and financial management. Young people need just as much, or even more training than adults. With today's youth subculture reaching its cagey claws toward our youth constantly, the need is even greater to be involved in both household and church household life. Being older, they can involve themselves in a broader range of responsible ministry--ministry that challenges them to a higher moral standard.

Third, other adults whether they are couples, singles, single-parent households, divorced, widowed, etc. can all be greatly helped by this exciting format for ministry. Our ultimate spiritual goals are best met in relationships. The politics of labels ironically designed to help the individual has in fact done the individual harm. It sets up barriers to relationships by pointing out what is different about a person, not what is similar. It is difficult here to explain fully how the psychology of labels has hurt human relationships. Unfortunately, the church has only become a reflection of this labeling. Suffice it to say, it has damaged the household atmosphere of connectedness, love, and commitment by limiting people to fellowshipping with those who are alike. The vision of a household-based church makes it possible for these individuals, even those whose redeemed lives are still marked by the scars of sin, to be accepted and loved. The "household" is the first and best approach to dealing with the unique needs of the individual.

Discovering the church as a household will impress people outside our churches because they see Christians loving and serving each other. They will not have to wait to hear the "Romans Road", "The Four Spiritual Laws", or "Evangelism Explosion". They will see it with their eyes and hear it with their ears! They will say "Wow!"

I am reminded of a man in our church who built an addition onto his house with the constant volunteer help of others in the church. His next-door neighbor made a profession of faith after seeing this outpouring of love on behalf of the brothers. No canned gospel presentation could do what that living example did! I am also reminded of a single woman who made a profession of faith upon being visited by a father and son. She told me that because the son was with his father, honoring him, proved to her that the faith to which they gave testimony was true. God used that visit--not a flawless explanation of the gospel--to bring her to the point of making a profession of faith.

Growth

As a husband, father, and ministry leader, my primary goal is to influence the spiritual growth of those around me. Just as children grow up physically, so too are Christians to grow up spiritually. Spiritual growth is beautiful and fulfilling. It is the only thing that matters once we die and go on to be with the Lord.

As parents delight in the growth of their children, so are spiritual parents to delight in the spiritual growth of their spiritual children. "I have no greater joy than this, to hear of my children walking in the truth" (3 John 4).

Household names and relationships are like parables to the church, describing how God deals with His people and how His people are to deal with each other. The question must be raised, what is the effect upon the church when these connections are not made in the life of the church? More specifically, how will a boy or a girl mature in his walk with God if he does not first experience loving discipline in the home from his own parents? How will a boy rise to becoming an overseer in the church if he grows up in a home that is governed by chaos and devoid of leadership? How will boys and girls practice love and service in the household of God if they do not grow up practicing it within their households? Most of all, what kind of understanding will a child have of God the Father, if that child only spends twenty minutes a week in meaningful conversation with his dad?

Even though God in His grace continues to prove faithful, working around man's failure to live in concert with His revealed plan, why should we presume upon His grace? Why shouldn't we strive for His best for us? Why shouldn't we try to mirror these relationships and make the connections between household and church?

I will close this chapter by emphasizing a very important point about this renewed vision. Although I have already alluded to it, it bears repeating. I believe that through this vision, we can have an unprecedented impact upon our world for Christ. The Church of the Lord Jesus Christ could have an impact on the world that has not been seen for at least a hundred years, if not more. We do not want to see this renewed vision turn in on itself. As my good friend, Stewart Jordan, says, "it must be about accomplishing the Great Commission." Following is one way that I believe we can do just that.

Before Social Security and LBJ's "Great Society" programs, the churches were the primary assistance-givers to the poor. We stand to make quite an effect upon our society for God and bring Him great glory if we could serve these people using biblical welfare principles. In this way, the integration of the church and household model can do what the government can never do, which is minister to their heart.

Newspapers are offering more and more articles and editorials about churches picking up the ball in this area. A July 13, 1995, Metropolitan Times insert featured on the front page, "A Helping Hand: Churches May Adopt Welfare Families." In her column titled, "Needed: Welfare Reform in the Nation's Churches" of the May 16, 1996, Journal of Philanthropy, author Amy Sherman writes that many churches provide the poor with food, clothing, and emergency financial aid, but with little personal attention to follow-up. Her criticism: the response of the church is no different than that of the government. She calls for the end of the "bigger is better" mentality saying, "It must go. Churches must not evaluate the effectiveness of their community outreach by the number of people they serve, but by their ministries' success in lifting families out of economic dependency. Too many churches are doing much and changing nothing; their outreach is a mile wide but only an inch deep. They are not helping poor people transform their lives; they are merely enabling the poor to cope a little better with their dysfunctional lives.... When churches successfully make the shift from throwing money at the poor to building relationships with the poor...tutoring children, teaching unemployed adults the skills they need to secure and retain employment...they begin to transform lives." What a challenge this presents to the church today. Are we up to it?

Who will lead us in the "new" vision of the church--which is not new, as it turns out, but is a solid, wonderful, Biblical model which desperately needs to be revived?

Any solutions must begin with restoring the father--or head of household--to his spiritual leadership responsibility, as set out in Ephesians, chapter five. Much loving, teaching, confessing, repenting, and discipling needs to take place for restoration to be realized. In the next chapter we look more insightfully at the crucial role of the father and how churches are unwittingly working against the spiritual leadership of the father.

Let us now turn our attention to the vision for building leaders who know how to lead a "household" of God.